To Know Her Is To Love Her
by detsawyer
Summary: After all that has happened, will Emily and Alison finally talk?


A/N: Hey all, thank you so much for reading. This is something I had been working on for sometime and I finished it earlier this year, but hadn't had the chance to upload it. Many edits went into the final draft, this was originally written after, maybe, 5x10 and only included the newest developments until 5x12, but then Alison was arrested in 5x14 and that was added, as well as, the girls' attempts to help get out of jail, but most of the new developments were not taken into account. So it is most of Season 5A and some details from 5B, so you have some context and any questions on why I didn't change some things. But tell me if you like it, and I have a shorter second part, that would conclude the entire story, in the works, if you want to me to add it, I will. Thank you and I hope you like what you read.

* * *

 _"Torn apart or put back together, they always have a way of finding each other. Alison and Emily share a connection that no one could ever understand, with the compassion of best friends and passion of lovers. There are forces keeping them apart, but they could never be kept apart for long." -R.D._

The forecast predicted rain all week for Rosewood and by the looks of it, it wasn't letting up. Staring blindly out the downstairs window, Alison, fully free of any suspicions, was still stuck keeping herself company in her big empty house. Her stint in jail made her feel safer than she felt now. She watched the rain heavily fall, sighing at the sight. Even with a cleared name, she was still seen as toxic and unwanted. A girl who once had everything, has now lost it all and knew that no matter how hard she fought for it, things wouldn't change for the better. Her "friends" helped her and she was grateful, but the thought of forgiveness was too hard to bear. She knew that they were doing what they thought was right. But, she couldn't fake that she wasn't hurt, no matter how cold people thought she was, she had a heart. She wasn't a black hole of voided emotion that swallowed every feeling she encountered. To be honest, she no longer had control over what she was feeling. Her heart and head kept fighting and she didn't know whether to trust her better judgment and run or follow her heart. Longingly, she looked out and saw nothing but never-ending darkness that has become her life.

She couldn't take staring at the rain any longer. She looked around her empty living room and begged for even the floor boards to make a loneliness and silence began to feel like it was killing her as she ran out practically broke down her front door. She met the falling water, stopping in the middle of her driveway. Drenched, she looked at the door behind her, wondering whether she should run back in, but she knew if she had to stay in that house one more second, she was going to scream. She was a minute short of burning it down. She stood in the rain and felt every single drop of water as it pelted on her skin. Every one feeling like a reminder of what she has done, some drops stung more that others, making her think about her biggest mistakes. She looked up at the gray clouds and couldn't see a spot of hope that the rain would stop or that anything would change. The last few months had clouded her judgment with doubt and mistrust, leaving her alone and scared. She was stuck wondering what she was to do in order for her to have a moment to breathe or even think. Coming back to Rosewood wasn't the plan, but there she was, stuck in a town that feels even more dangerous than living on the streets. She didn't know what to do anymore, but even if she did, it wouldn't change anything.

She looked forward at the lonesome road ahead and started running again. She had nothing to lose but truly nothing to gain either, so she ran and kept running. The rain distorted her view of Rosewood, showing a town once full of life as a cold, dreary place deserted by those who once walked the streets. Alison questioned where she was actually running to. She hadn't planned that far ahead. Given that she could barely see 5 feet in front of her, water and the occasional blurry tree led her to her destination. She found herself at the one place that scared her more than anything. She stood on the sidewalk looking up at a window,"Emily," escaped her lips. She wished that she could just go back and fix everything, make it right. If A was really gone when she returned to Rosewood, her heart would be Emily's, but fear of being caught and being buried again, only to never come out, flooded her mind. To her, vulnerablity made her weak, therefore an easier target. Emily was her vulnerablity. No matter how badly she would choose Emily, she wouldn't risk having a target on her back. But, running through the rain gave her a moment of clarity, she could finally see what was right under her nose. The only detail that mattered was how important Emily was to her. Out of breath and soaking from head to toe, she stood there for a bit. Her chest heaved as she waited, once her heart rate calmed, she wanted to move. But, she couldn't bring herself to walk up the stairs and knock. She stayed planted on the sidewalk, trying to hold back all the things she wanted to say. She had hit a point of vulnerability that even she wouldn't be able to come back from. Against her better judgment, she finally did what she was scared to do. She knocked and stood in the doorway waiting for an answer. Emily appeared far quicker than Alison intended. Despite standing there raw and open and willing to say anything she needed to, she took one look at Emily and couldn't bring herself to do it. "I'm sorry." She said, turning away quickly.

She made her way down the to the sidewalk, by the time Emily called out, "Alison."

Tears had already began to streaming down her face but luckily, the rain hid them once she turned back.

"It's.. It's freezing and you're soaking wet. Let's get you in some dry clothes, then I can take you home." She paused, waiting for a response. "Please."

Alison just stood there, looking at the sweet girl you used to know. The girl with the caring heart that would take in her worst enemy if they needed the help. Alison wanted to accept Emily's invitation but she knew that she wouldn't be able to contain herself if she stepped into that house. So she stood there and blurted out, "I'm not coming in until we talk about that night." Alison stopped, surprised at what she had said. Emily hesitated and shot back, "Well good luck in the rain, because we have nothing to talk about," a statement ridden with heartbreak and anger.

Alison was taken aback by Emily's comment, as was Emily. She knew Emily was mad but had it really gotten to that point? "Do you hate me that much that you wouldn't even spare a minute to tell me it didn't mean anything?" Alison just wanted answers and if Emily wanted the same she would give them to her, but she needed to ask. Emily had hit a point when it came to Alison, her heart ached for her touch but when she thought about the things she had done, her mind when into war mode. "Alison, it is always the same with you. It's all about the dramatics and misdirection. Never taking the fall yourself. For once in your life, tell me something, instead of skirting around it." Emily said, walking out of her doorway. "I have apologized and will apologize more for what I did but that doesn't change what you've done. You lied to me and kept doing it. If I was really the one you trusted, then why-"

"I love you, Emily." Alison said.

"What?"

"I love you." She confessed. But once the words started, they weren't stopping until everything was off her chest, even if she didn't want to say it. "I haven't been able to go a day without thinking about you, missing you. The thought of losing you makes me want to be better. I am so scared of not having you in my life. I haven't felt like this before and it terrifies me." She stopped herself.

"The Alison DiLaurentis is scared of something?" Emily asked, sarcastically. Just like Alison, Emily had things to get off her chest as well, the things she wished she had the courage to say to her back when she had a reason to be scared of her.

Alison swallowed hard, "I'm scared of a lot more than I'm willing to show."

"You've got to be kidding me." Emily rolled her eyes.

"Em, please. I am standing out here, terrified to even get close to you. It's taking everything I have not to run away right now."

"Then do it, it's what you do best." Emily said, sternly.

"Emily…" Alison let escape. Emily rolled her eyes, but knew that she felt the same way Alison did, but she wasn't going to let that show.

"You don't trust me and I understand that. You have absolutely no reason to. I should have told you the truth, even if I didn't want it getting out, I owed you that. But know this I have nothing to lose right now, so even if you don't believe me, at least I got to say it. That night meant more to me than you will ever know. I told you how I felt and I meant it." More tears well in her eyes,"I need you, Em. Every time I try to start again, I still feel like a huge part of me is missing. You."

"Alison…" Emily said, becoming more irritated. She knew her anger was coming from the pain of a heart broken that was never fully repaired. She wanted to hear what Alison had to say, but those blue eyes were filled with both the love she craved and the lies that had broken her heart one time too many. She didn't know what they were saying now.

"No, can I just…"

"Just stop. You can say anything you want but, talk is cheap, Ali."

Emily stood on the stairs, already completely irritated. Alison knew that she should take Emily's hostility as a sign to leave, but yelled out, "You are so goddamn stubborn. You really think you are the only one who got their heart broken?"

"I'm stubborn?" Emily said, offended. "Look who's talking."

"Well I guess that's something we have in common. Talk is cheap." She lets out a scoff, frustrated. "I'm standing out here, probably catching pneumonia and that is all you can say." Alison starts for the stairs.

"Alison, what is actually going to change from this? Next thing I know, you're in my bed, telling me all these sweet nothings and I will eat it up then you will take all of that away again. You run. How do you think I felt that summer? I was 15, when you broke my heart the first time. I didn't know what was going on, I was so confused, but I knew that I loved you. And what did you do? You threw me away like one of your shameless boy toys. I went the next year ashamed of who I was. Why should I believe you now?" Emily said, coming forward.

"How do you know that I'll do that again?" Alison asked, already knowing the answer.

"Because I know you, Alison. Better than anyone." Emily said, truthfully. If anyone knew Alison better, it was Emily. Alison knew that, which made hiding things from her even harder. But since Emily was open about everything, she figured she should be as well. She felt a bit of 'Old Alison' come back as she sharpened her tongue. She let out a scoff, "Emily, you say talk is cheap, well you gonna have to try a little harder than that."

Emily's anger overtook her to a point that she had never gone. She was seeing red and couldn't control herself. She slapped Alison square across the face, unaware of doing it until it happened. Both girls paused. "Oh my God, Ali. I'm so sorry." Emily said, with tears welling in her eyes. She stepped towards her.

"No." Alison said, backing away. "I guess I now know how you really feel." She said, making her way to into the rain. The water left a cool sting as it pelted onto her cheek. She could feel Emily's anger and she knew that she had to leave. Even though she could see the tears and hear it in her voice, Alison couldn't look at Emily. How could she do that?

"Ali…" Emily called after her, regret written all over her face. Alison knew the difference when Emily called her Ali rather than Alison.

"Let me ask you this. Do you still have feelings for me?" Alison asked, her back turned. Emily's face didn't change much, but Alison could tell by the silence. "Do you really not want to believe that I could love you back? Emily, I can't imagine loving anyone else."

"Ali… Please." Emily pleaded. Alison never made her so mad, for that matter, no one ever made her so mad. Of all the people to have an effect on her, why did it have to be Alison? Knowing that she reacted like that was crushing her on the inside. Tears of regret and yearning streamed down her face. She didn't know what to do or what to feel. She wanted Alison but she couldn't bring herself to let herself fall for it all again.

Still standing in the rain, now coming down even harder, Alison spoke her peace but Emily looked at her with such hurt and frustration. She took that and her aching cheek as a sign to just leave, finally. She could never convince her, so she gave up this battle. The war is still going on but she lost Emily. "I'm sorry." She said over her shoulder. She started to leave for what she thought was the last time. The last time she would ever stand so close to her again.

"Ali." Emily called out again. Alison didn't turn around, it hurt too much to face her. Emily stepped into the downpour. "Alison." She said. Hearing how close the voice was, Alison finally turned to see Emily, now just as drenched, standing breathless in front of her.

"Em, don't…" Alison started.

Without a word, Emily kissed her. The rain continued to fall but that was the last thing on their minds. "I walked away once, I don't know if I have the strength to do it again." Emily said, confidently. "I am so sorry..." Alison kissed her again before she could finish. "It doesn't matter." She kissed her again. The rain wasn't going stop but neither were they, so Emily took Alison's hand and led her into the house. Alison closed the door behind her but soon was pushed against it. Emily kissed her again. They broke apart for a moment. Emily rested her forehead on Alison's and stayed quiet. Looking into each other's eyes, each girl took a deep breath. Alison looked at Emily and whispered, "You sure?" Emily nodded yes, taking Alison's hand, the girls rushed upstairs. Emily closed and locked the door behind her.

Chests heaving and with only one idea in mind, Emily stepped forward to continue what they started, wasting no time. She kissed Alison, wrapping her arms around her waist. Slowly, her hands were under Alison's shirt, lightly stroking her soft, wet skin. A sharp breath escaped from Alison, as Emily's fingers glided along her back. She slowly unzipped Emily's hoodie, sliding it off her shoulders, leaving her in only a wet tank top. Soon enough, wet clothes dropped to the ground as they continued to Emily's bed. Fingers and lips glided across arms, backs, and stomachs, each touch more electrifying than the last. Each kiss more passionate than the one before. A confession, thought to be weak, but full of strength was being rewarded. Stepping over the line from friends to lovers and never looking back, the two girls knew what they were doing and had no regrets. Hidden among sheets and blankets, Emily and Alison kept away from the world. The rain began to fall even harder, but in each other's arms nothing else mattered. Emily looked down at Alison, her wet blonde hair tossed about, and smiled. "I love you, Ali." She finally confessed. Alison smiled, pulling her down to kiss her. For the first time, Alison actually heard Emily say the words. Alison said them and would say them time and time again, but hearing Emily say it once was better. Emily could feel Alison smile as she kissed her. The rain fell hard outside the window as Alison and Emily let go of any care they had, enveloped in each other's arms, nothing else mattered.

 _"To know her, is to love her. And to love her is to look past all the tricks she pulls and all of the lies she tells. Because at the end of the day when she tells you that she loves you, everything else could be a lie but that will always be the truth. The only truth you'll ever need." -R.D._


End file.
